No! It's banker, with a B

New Labour’s police state.

That's the alarming headline in this week's Speccy. I prefer the version I heard on the radio earlier in the week - 'A police state without the police' - but I digress. There follows the harrowing tale of one Nicky Samengo-Turner who used to be a banker and is now something to do with Formula 1 racing.
(I know what you're thinking, but give the guy a chance will you?)

Nicky's 'nightmare' started when he was pulled over in a random stop in London by police officers who politely asked him if he would allow them to search his car as they were training some 'community support officers'. He readily agreed:

Although a little worried about being late for my meeting, I was impressed by their air of professionalism and vigilance. I was pleased that the government was doing something to keep us all safe and thought it would be selfish to refuse. ‘I don’t mind at all,’ I replied, ‘as long as it doesn’t take a huge amount of time.’

Unfortunately for Mr Samengo-Turner, the police uncovered a knife and an extendable baton (he refers to it as a collapsible baton, a nice distinction but in its 'resting' state it is already 'collapsed', nice try though), both of which may be possessed perfectly legally but which constitute offensive weapons if taken outside the home. Mr Samengo-Turner explains himself:

The penknife I carry because I find it useful for many small everyday tasks —cutting through packaging, opening bottles. The baton I bought over the Internet to keep at home for security reasons. I live in a rural part of Suffolk that, although thankfully relatively crime-free, is policed very sparsely. I often hear people outside the house at night — that same Wednesday evening, for instance, my wife discovered a harmless but mentally ill tramp yelling loudly in a nearby barn — and I feel more comfortable with the baton inside the front door. A week or so before my police search, I had discovered my nine- and twelve-year-old girls playing with it and had locked it in my briefcase for safekeeping.

Extendable batons are designed to be carried on the person, that's why they are extendable, geddit? If you need something by the door to fend off burglars you can using something that doesn't need to fit into a bag or pocket. The police may not always be the brightest of people but even they know that. By the way, for home protection I recommend a baseball bat or small cricket bat. NOT a golf club, by the way. Too unwieldy, but fine for clubbing someone to death while they sleep. (I'm just saying!)

The officers could have just cautioned Mr Samengo-Turner but for some reason they chose not to. Reading between the lines I suspect they didn't really warm to him for some reason. In fact he sounds at times like the sort of person that might well end up falling down the steps to the cells, if you get my meaning. MR S-T get's banged up and eventually he is questioned, fingerprinted, booked and bailed, all this in the presence of his solicitor.

At this point it becomes clear that Mr S-T has never been arrested before because, as he is leaving the police station, he turns to one of the police officers and says:

‘You really are a prize wanker.’

At which point the copper gets him by the lapels and pushes him against the wall (no doubt wishing he'd shoved him down the steps earlier when he had the chance, but never mind, life is a series of missed opportunities).

Eventually Mr Samengo-Turner leaves the police station to return to his car which by now has (please don't laugh) ... a parking ticket. No don't, stop it! How cruel.

Mr S-T, is very unhappy about all this:

For the police to be behaving like this at a time when we are all concerned about terrorism and street crime, and when resources are stretched and manpower is limited, seemed extraordinary.

Even though at the time he was stopped by the police he was:

'...impressed by their air of professionalism and vigilance. (and) was pleased that the government was doing something to keep us all safe...'

Of course, had the officers stopped and searched a large black man and found a lock-knife and a baton I feel sure that Mr S-T would have maintained his original feelings about the police, but instead they stopped HIM. Which makes the whole saga front page news in The Spectator and turns Britain into a police state.